Yeshwanth Bakkavemana

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Finding Self! Journey from Desperation to Inspiration

This write up is a reflection of my 33 years of life that lived so far. I am inspired to write this as my own struggle to navigate through my desperation inspired me to do so. I am not going to give you ready-made answers how to get out of your own desperation. However, I can say that there is a way to navigate through the troubled waters in our lives. That is Finding yourself! Finding who you are, your passions, and your purpose.

I come from a state where children when they were born are destined either to become an engineer or a doctor. It is blasphemous to say that I am interested in Arts. In such a context your wings were cut off to dream. As my peers, I have studied Engineering which I never loved. I did have a choice to listen to my inner voice, but I suppressed it. I went on to do my Engineering. It is like as Steve Job once said that many people do not succeed in life because they did not love what they are doing and when you love what you are doing, you’d persevere. The same goes with me. I never liked what I was doing.  I always felt a void in me. I did not know who I am, what is my passion and my purpose in life. I was lost. My circumstances did not help me. I was like a ‘lone ranger’ trying to find myself.

One of the things we often fail to do is to listen to our inner voice. Some call it ‘intuition,’ ‘subconsciousness,’ and so on. However, I would call it the Paraclete (Greek word which means “helper”)-the divine voice. This divine voice was always pursuing me. This voice is like the “Hound of Heaven” as Francis Thompson wrote. Thompson brings an analogy between the Hound that is pursuing an hare and the divine grace that pursues the sinner. So I felt the same way. Finally this divine voice was so loud in me that I had to listen to it. It is then I was marveled at the way God found me. So in the grace of God, I have found myself. I am fearfully made, very intricately and dexterously for a specific purpose that I needed to realize. So, in that starry night, when my desperation was so extreme the Hound got me! The divine voice made its way to my mind, heart, and inspired my hands.

The story did not end here. I found myself. I found my passion. When I was able to feed my passion, I realized how I can be useful to others. That’s my purpose. I started to pursue my passion. Started to feed it. I loved it! Started to make wings to fly my dreams. Still I am. The challenge is to keep your passion alive. Circumstances may come, desperate situations may hurdle your dreams but if you listen to the Paraclete, love your passion, you will have strength to persevere. Perseverance and endurance are keys to success. When we persevere towards what we love, success is inevitable.

I hope this short write up may help you those who are going through desperation but if you listen to the inner-voice, you will find your passion. Feed it. Nurture it. Strengthen it. We do not have enough time, we have only one life. However, we can live thousand lives in one! Find yourself! We can leave behind a glorious legacy for other to find themselves!